Throughout this year, several bloggers will engage in a conversation here and on their blogs — asking questions of each other and responding. Others are absolutely welcome to join the conversation, as well. Learn more about the ladies of Blogversation 2012.
We’re rotating through the Blogversation participants a second time, with each blogger posing a question to the others and to any visitors who’d like to weigh in.
The schedule calls for a question from Lauren McCabe (mermaidchronicles.com, @mermaidtales on Twitter) but Lauren has an incredible convergence of goodness going on right now — she recently started a new job that’s got her immersed, she’s just bought a house and she’s newly engaged.
Wow.
So in honor of Lauren and her fiance — and for all of us — I’m asking the following question: What’s your best piece of relationship advice?
Several years ago, an elderly married couple who’d been together many decades told me the key to a happy marriage was for each partner to think they’ve gotten the better end of the bargain.
On the surface, it’s a cute little quip.
But the deeper meaning, I think, is that both partners should feel like they somehow lucked into marrying someone better than they deserve and they’ve got to hustle to keep that out-of-my-league mate happy.
By staying on your game, you keep your mate feeling that he’s the one who’s gotten the better deal — and it’s the very definition of a virtuous circle.
The alternative is the all-too-common marriage where each partner feels he or she is the only one doing anything around the house … he never brings me flowers any more and she stopped taking care of her appearance as soon as we had kids … each partner feels like they’ve got the worse end of the bargain.
Incidentally, I think this works in other relationships, too. If you treat your job like you’re lucky to be there, or treat your best friend like you’re lucky to have her, it might also have lovely benefits.
I also loved this post I wrote for our 10-year wedding anniversary: 10 marriage lessons learned in 10 years of marriage (and the second half of that post, which I broke up into five “I dos” and five “I don’ts”).
Blogversation 2012: What's your best relationship advice?
4 Comments
Lesley Ware
I love the idea of “staying on your game “. My experience has been that good relationships happen when we are given permission become our true selves. But if a relationship is about two people at the very hub of what makes it work should not be individual development. A ha, the world needs more couples creating “virtuous circles”, both growing in a way that’s nurturing yet sweetly competitive.
Eleanor
After being with my man for almost a decade, here are my top 3 pieces of advice:
1. Incorporate a lot of laughter, fun, and humor into every day life. The serious tone and the orientation around daily tasks that long-term relationships adopt can take a toll. Mike is great at getting to me to laugh around the places where I’m odd or a bit stuck, which allows me to have perspective about that stuff instead of being defensive.
2. Have a date night where neither one of you is on the computer or mobile device. It doesn’t have to be fancy. We watch Modern Family, eat popcorn, and catch up a bit.
3. Do enough personal growth work where you take responsibility for your emotional “stuff” and thus avoid pinning all of your struggles on your partner. Also, realize that your partner is not going to be everything and all things. That’s why the good Lord invented friendship – so we could have a different folks who play a variety of roles in our lives.
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